*This is a post from March 2024 (my second Substack article). With the Summer Olympics going on in Paris, there has been a lot of discussion about women’s body image issues. I thought it would be an appropriate to share this article once again with a few updates. *
Jane Sez... is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Who likes a complement? I do! Does that mean I'm shallow because I care what others think about my external appearance? Shouldn’t I know that inner beauty is enough?
I thought back to a year ago when I was 54 and officially in menopause. My body was changing so fast but, in some ways, I felt more attractive than I did at 25. Unfortunately, external factors (and my internal self-dialogue) told me different, and I'd question myself. Was it OK to still feel attractive with wrinkles and graying hair?
Advertisers are targeting our insecurities
It’s a challenge to filter out what advertisers are telling us. We are told constantly to fight the signs of aging. We are told we need to lose weight and to “Try this diet to lose weight fast” or “You don’t want to look old, so use this skin cream.” Ads like these are targeting girls and women. The intent is to cause us to feel shame for what is the natural aging process. This aging process is a gift that so many of us will never get to experience. Advertisers are targeting our insecurities to make money. I hate to admit it, but I buy into that crap sometimes.
Social media experiment
I did an experiment and watched a few reels on social media. One was titled something like “9 Signs that Show you are Aging.” They had actresses from ages 40 – 60 and then their younger selves. The “older” actresses were beautiful and looked 10 years younger as it was! So many of them were surgically enhanced, and yet they were shamed for their “flaws”. I continued to read the article that pointed at ways that give away your age. This was taking me down a very depressing rabbit hole. I'm sure this was sponsored by advertisers to get women to purchase products with the promise of unattainable youth. Even if the potions magically made you look younger, it still would not emulate the real beauty that is inside of all of us and that radiates out. It would not fix the insecurities we have inside.
Influenced by a leg depilatory commercial at age 10!!
When I was growing up, it was long before the internet, but we had TV, movies and fashion magazines. I think back to my childhood commercials of the 70s and 80s. One comes to mind. “Who wears short shorts…” If you were born before 1980 then I’m sure you remember this jingle. It was a hair remover for your legs (that smelled horrible!). The short-shorts girls ran up the bleachers with their impossibly long, slender legs. I wanted to be “sexy” like them at 10 years old! That is disturbing when I think of that! Maybe it was because it looked, they were having fun and they had friends? I don’t know. I was a tomboy climbing trees and yet I was influenced by this.
Share Jane Sez...
A happy little girl thankful for the yarn dog made by her aunt. Pure joy! It’s sad to think in a few years she would internalize negative comments on her appearance.
My own struggles with body image
My first memory of my appearance was when I was 3 years old. My sister was doing my hair and “making me beautiful” with a toy makeup kit. That day when I visited family I was fussed over and told how pretty I looked. I was complemented on my curly brown hair, dimples and my beautiful dress. I wasn't sure what pretty was, but I felt special!
My lanky, tomboyish 9-year-old self on the left.
A few years and I developed into a lanky, skinny child with a boyish haircut. I was bullied and teased due to my, second-hand clothes, plain appearance and shyness. For several years I endure the pain of bullying until my awkwardness faded as I entered my teens. I was suddenly noticed and complemented on my appearance, and it felt special. Most of all, I was no longer teased about how I looked.
My new attention was also a curse
With this new attention, it was also a curse. It did not feel special at times, especially when men would look at me and made unwanted comments. As girls we were told by adults not to wear shorts too short or our jeans too tight. I felt that was the reason that I was getting inappropriate comments from men. It was not. We should be able to wear whatever we want!
My senior prom. I was thin but, I wanted curves!! A true hourglass figure is unattainable for most body types, including mine
Share
How can we stop this pattern?
Body image issues affect so many girls and women. How can we stop this pattern? It starts with the wonderful women we all are.
It starts with how we speak to each other and the children in our lives.
It starts with how little girls see how the men in their lives treat other women.
We need to show girls that they are accepted, and they have their own strengths. Think about it. How often do you comment on a boy’s appearance to them? Hardly. The comments are mostly about their activities. For example, we will say to a boy, “Wow, that was a great soccer game” or “I heard you are playing the piano,” “Can I see your Lego collection?”
How do we interact with our girls? What comments do we say to them? We comment often on their appearances. “You are so pretty.” “I love your outfit”. That is wonderful, but please remember to ask about what THEY like to do. “What are your hobbies?” “What is your favorite subject in school,” “Have you worked on any new paintings?” Do we do that? Not as often as we say we should. I’m guilty of that myself.
How do we help that child inside of ourselves?
So how do we help the child inside of us that worries they will not be valued for who they are? I wish the answer was easier, but we need to embrace what makes us each unique. Many times, it is not the image that we see in the mirror, but how we feel inside of ourselves. We need to give the little girl in us permission to be who she really is. We need to ask that child what she needs from us at that moment and what we can do to help her.
We have to remind ourselves that girls are watching us develop into mature, empowered women. They are listing when we talk negatively about ourselves and judge others. We need to do better at accepting ourselves and it does not happen overnight. We can do this. It starts with us!
Share Jane Sez...
Leave a comment
